


- -^ ^ • " - ' . -^' ' 



Dat Famous 
Chicken Debate 



BY 



WALTER S. LONG. 




PRICE 15 CENTS 



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Franklin, Ohio 



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DatFamousChickenDebate 



By WALTER S. LONG. 



THE UNIVERSITY OF AFRICA (Aff.) 
vs. 
BOOKERTEA COLLEGE (Neg.) 



Copyright, 1915. Eldridge Entertainment House. 



Eldridge Entertainment House. 

FRANKLIN. OHIO. 



^'^^\ z^"" 

1^\^ 



QUESTION:— "Resolved, That Stealing Chickens 
Aint No Crime. " 

DEBATERS: 
Affirmative Negative 

Rufus Rastus Johnsing Hezakiah Gitdar 

Nebuchadneazer Jones Ephram Pullemdown 

OFFICERS: 
President— Prof. Snowball White. 

Vice-Presidents \ g^" I^.^ngdong Ringer. 
^ jjg^ Longtime Holdem 

JUDGES: 
(Names of local persons acting as Judges) 

TIME: 
(Date and hour of Entertainment) 

PLACE: 
(Place of Entertainment. ) 



jaO 4258S 



Dat Famous Chicken Debate. 



This darkey debate may be made a very funny 
number on your program. The stage setting is left 
to the director. Where stage facihties are available 
all the humorous settings of a darky clubroom may 
be used, or it may be given on the bare school plat- 
form. 

The costumes of the debaters, the judges and 
others may be as funny and as ragged as desired. A 
table with a large v^hite pitcher of water and a 
drinking glass should occupy the center of the stage. 

The conclusion of the debate is also left to the 
director. Confusion may close the sketch with a gen- 
eral mix-up, if used on a minstrel program, or the 
judges may decide the question and award a verdict 
if given on a school platform, .^f ter which all may 
rise and file out. 



President's Speech. 



Ladies an^ Gentlemen:— 

You hab assembled ter hear a very important de- 
bate betwixt de Univerisity of Africa on de Firma- 
tive an world renowned Bookertea College on de Neg- 
ative. De question is: '^Resolved;— DatSteahn Chick- 
ens aint no Crime." 

De gentlemen what will representation dese fa- 
mous colleges is: Fur de Firmative, Mr. Rufus Rastus 
Johnsing an Mr. Nebucadneazer Jones. Fur ne Neg- 
ative, dar is Mr. Ephraim Ezra Pullemdown and Mr. 
Hezekiah Jonah Gitdar. A prize fur de bes speaker 
will be awarded by Mr. 

President We will now hab de f us speaker fur 
de Firmative. 



First Speech For The Affirmative; 



Mr. President, Dishonorable Jedges, Gents and Wo- 
menfolks: 

De question fur debate have done been resolved 
dat it haint no crime ter steal chickens. An since dis 
resolution am satisfactory ter all, der seems ter be no 
use fer me ter make a speech. But use or no use, I 
has some pussonal feelings in dis matter, an I v^ants 
ter spress ter yall my great reguard for de subject 
ob chicken, an I wants ter scuse myself an all ob my 
brethern frum eben de bery pearance ob any crime. 

Mr. Fresidenty in de beginning dere was chicken. 
An close ter de beginning dere was niggers. But de 
Good Book say in de fourteenth chapter ob de Book 
ob Jenny's sister dat at fust dere was no sin nor 
crime in de world. Now I leaves it ter you, Mr. 
President, dose you spose, datef stealin chickens wuz 
a crime, dat dose niggars would hab lived all dat 
time widout crime right dere in de sight of Marse 
Adam's new Hinhouse? No, suh, take it frum me, 
dose chickens wuz stole. But it wuz apples dot brung 
sin into de world, not chicken. De Bible don't even 
mention who stole de chickens. 

Now Mr. President, in order ter expounder more 
plainer de truth ob de above resolution let me lay 
down de proper meanin ob crime. Mr. Webster he 
lows as how crime it am a violation ob de law. An 
my honry enemy ober dar he will say dat de laws ob 
de Uninety States specially mentions chicken. But I 
axes yall ter think who made dose laws, did de niggers 
make dem? Not much. Dey wuz made by de white 
folks, — cause dey owns de chickens. Now mus de 
nigger be sponsible fer de white folks mistakes? Who- 
ever hearn tell ob niggers making laws gainst de 
stealin ob chickens. I defies both ob you Africans 
ober dar ter show dese gemmensone single law gainst 
de stealin ob chickens what a black man hab made. 
Now yall admits dat Marse Lincoln hab done made de 
niggers a free an indepennent people. Marse Wood- 
row's new book on Scientific Government say dat a 



free an indepennent people can only be ruled by laws 
wat dey makes fer deyselves. Now St. Matthew says 
in de Actions ob de Postles as how dere caint be no 
crime widout a law. Now ef de niggers am a free an 
indepennent people, an ef a free an indepennent peo- 
ple can only be ruled by laws what dey make fur 
deyselves, den de white folks laws dey don't ply ter 
de niggers, an since dere caint be crime widout a law, 
an since de niggers neber has made no laws gainst de 
stealin ob chickens. I maintains dat it aint no crime 
ter steal chickens, an I axes yall ter considerate care- 
fully on de bove argument, an' dont pay no tention 
ter dose other niggers cause dey hab done gone back 
on dere color. 

Yall mus agree wid me dat a black man widout 
chicken am a lonesome black man. Now who wants 
ter be lonesome? An ef de nigger laks de rooster's 
company, jest pines fur it so to speak, it suttinly aint 
no crime ter be sociable. You gemmen ober dar,jest 
think how long de cullud race groaned in bondage lak 
de Hebrews obold,sarving de white man, an I swars to 
you dat dey hab not been paid fur all datwuk,no dey 
hab not. From de time de niggers follow^ed Marse 
Abe fru de blood red sea of wah into de new Canaan 
ob freedom, de white man only pays us by de day fur 
wuk we does in de day. Now why caint w^e collect 
interest on dat ole account at night? Why not, I say? 
We raise de white man's cotton an corn an baccer. 
Now let de white man raise our chickens. An den 
when de lubly night comes down de nigger kin go an 
claim his own, cause de blackness ob de night jest 
matches de color ob his skin. Yas suh, dat are why 
our skin are black. An de Law^d he wudden make de 
nigger's skin black ter help him commit a crime. An 
now Dishonorable Jedges, I'se done spressed ter you 
my great reguard fer de subject ob chicken, an I has 
done tried to scuse yall frum de pearance ob crime. 
My hon'ry complice will finish fur de firmative, an ef 
he fails ter do it both in sperit an in truth, he haint 
no loyal son ob Ham. 

President We will now hab de fus speaker fur 
de Negative. 



First Speech On The Negative. 



Ladies and Gemmens, Most Worthy Jedges, an You 
too, Mr, President: 

I has listened ter dat black man until my face 
hab done grew red lak de insides ob a watermillion, 
blushin fur shame. I has done heard him sinuation 
dat all niggars steals chickens an den take up fur 
dem cause he hab done stole chickens hisself. I doesnt 
believe dat all niggars steals chickens. An ef some 
niggers does steal chickens some time, dose niggers 
aint civilized, dey aint fittem ter pattern after, an de 
civilized cuUud gemmens should jest sider dem as de 
black sheep ob der flock. Look at Mr. Booker Wash- 
ington, do he steal chickens? No suh, he do not. He 
cud sleep all night in a hinhouse on de night befo 
Protracted meetin an not eben dream of a potpie 
cause de words of de Good Book hab done come ter 
pass, an de lion am jest boun ter lie down wid de lam. 

My hon'ry enemy ober dar he say as how dat 
stealin chickens aren't gainst no law what de black 
man hab made, an I wishes ter remin yall of de law 
ob Gawd which Moses foundered on de limestone 
tables in ole Pharo's kitchen. I reference yall ter de 
twelve Commandments. An one ob dem it say pint- 
edly, *Ter mussent steal.'' Now I lows as how 
stealins stealin, no matter what is stole, an I blieves 
dat de twelve commandments plies jest as much ter 
de black man as dey do ter de white. Color wont 
make no difference when de great day comes, an color 
don't make no difference now. An agen de Bible it 
say as how yer mus lay aside yer favorite sin. Now 
ef stealin chickens aint de niggers favorite sin I jes 
wants ter know what is. Dar Mr. Fresident are de 
law whar say, '*Leave dat fowl alone.' An ef de 
nigger misobey dat law he am guilty ob crime. 

It grieves me down in de bottom ob my boots ter 
see de carelessness. ob you niggers about chicken. De 
great monstrous need ob de black man of today are 
selfrespect. But yer caint find no selfrespect in no 
hinhouse. De niggers what steals chickens don't re- 



spect deyselves, den how come dey think de white 
folks is gwine ter respect dem. An ef de white folks 
don't respect dem, de nigger mus suffer cordingly. 
He mus see all de easy jobs go ter de white folks as 
don't steal no chickens. Dose you spose any black 
African what steals chickens cud ever be President 
ob dese Unitety States? Jest imagination de Secre- 
tary ob de Treasury sneakin roun a hinhouse at night. 
How long wud he hold his job? An dey aint one single 
nigger in dis house what wuddent lak ter be Secre- 
tary ob de Treasury or President ob de Unitety 
States. Yet my poneats talk about srealin chickens 
lak it are de only thing ter be did. 

Dese am my arguments Mr. Fresident. It am 
against de law ter steal, an when chickens are stole a 
crime hab done been committed. Stealin chickens 
also hold back de spiritual uplift ob de race, an there- 
fore I resists befo all ob de world dat stealin chickens 
am a crime. 

President, We will now hab de second speaker 
fur de Firmative. 

Second Speech On The Affirmative. 



Mr. President, Noble Jedges, Ladies, and Menfolks: 

My honry complice have done sot dis question so 
clearly befo yall dat I doesnt see much lef fur me ter 
say. But I too has a pussonal feelin an reguard fer 
chicken, an my heart am so full ob luv fur de rooster s 
tender flesh dat I is jest boun ter argufy dis question 
also too. 

My honry enemy what hab jest receded me tole 
bout de trouble whar chicken hab gave ter de nig- 
gers. An ef men war ter beheve all he say de bery 
name ef chicken wad be evil. But de Bible it say as 
how money am de root ob all evil, an as roots is so 
am de branches bliged ter be. Therefore, I say dat 
chicken it aint even a leaf on de tree ob evil, an ef it 
aint evil it mus be good. 

Honry Jedges, de above argument it proves as 
how dere caint be no evil connected wid chicken. But 



r also wants ter call yer attention lev another argu- 
ment. Mr, Gladstone he say as how de means by which 
we does any thing may be justified by de end in view. 
Now let's take stealin chickens as de means, an a big- 
fat juicy rooster as de end in view— (wait a minnit 
niggers, dont git cited yit.) Now jest imagination a 
nigger on dat rooster's trail. He done heerd him crow- 
ing all day long an when de night gits dark an de al- 
manac it say dat de moon aint gwine ter shine. See 
dat nigger sneak down thru de orchard — dim de 
guarden fence, den crawl down ter de hinhouse, aa 
jest kinder vanish lak in de do. Tell me about yer 
citement, dat are citement Mr. Rooster he kinder 
turn he hade ter one side, an de next minnit he done 
drap in de bag. Now my friens, jest magination dat 
nigger goin home. Dat rooster seem lak he already in 
de pot. Crime or no crime, dat nigger are happy, an 
de Bible it say as how only good people can be happy. 
Honry Jedges, talking bout yer end in view, 
think about dat rooster. What kinder end does yer 
want ef dat aint all right. Justify de means, well I 
guess it do. Think ob dat potpie, wid white meat and 
dark meat all mixed up lak white an black ice cream 
—an dontfergit de gravy. Den de nigger clean loses 
sight ob Christmas an payday, and he lets de singin 
ob de angels jine in wid de music ob his soul. An his 
cabin it shines lak de palace ob a king. An his face 
it are all lit up lak a lectric signboard. Dat am one 
more happy nigger in dis world. An all on count ob 
dat rooster. Mr. President, dat fowl are de grandest 
meat in de world. De rooster he am king ob all de 
birds. Even St. Peter got skeered when de rooster 
crowed. Look at Nebuchadneazer, he didn't hab no 
chicken so he went out and et grass. De tower ob 
Babylon it didn't hab no chicken so it fell. Greece 
didn't hab no chicken so it fell. Rome didn't hab no 
chicken an it fell. Lakwise I say suh, when de nigger 
tries ter do widout chicken he am boun ter fall, shos 
you bawn. 

Everybody knows dat de nigger caint raise no 
chicken. Den hows he gwine ter git dem ef not at 
night? Yit my honry enemy he say as how dat am a 
crime. But de Bible it say as how self reservation it 



:am de fust law ob Nature. An so ef he caint raise no 
chicken, den fur dese chickens ter be got, dey mus be 
:stole. An therefore, steaHn chickens am jest obeying 
•de fust law ob Nature, an I defies my opponents ter 
prove dat it can be a crime. Why twould be lak spit- 
ting in de face ob Frowidence ter misobey a law ob 
Nature, specially de fust one. In cose it aint no crime. 
Dese, Mr. President, is de arguments what we 
wishes ter per sent. An fer fear dat yall may lose 
sight a some ob dem, let me summarization dem all 
thusly: Fust de Bible proves dat it aint no crime ter 
steal chickens, cause chickens wuz stole befo crime 
come into de world. Moren dat, stealin chickens arent 
included in de meanin ob crime under de law. An 
lastly on top ob dat, stealin chickens are jest collect- 
ing interest on what de white man owes us, jest lak 
he collects hissn. An on top ob dat yit, stealin chick- 
ens are a means dat am justified by de end in View. 

. President, We wuli now hab de second speaker 
fur de Negative, 

Second Speech For The Negative. 



Mr. President, Honry Jedges, Niggers, an' White 
Folks: 

My pardner have done tole you about de crime 
ob stealin chickens, an now, I wants ter cap his clim- 
ax by expoundering de abstruse an awful punishment 
what mus transpire when de niggers las chicken am 
stole an de crowin ob deceased roosters welcome 
him into dat dreary realum ob everlasting night. I 
plants my text upon dat good ole proverb, '*Ye mus 
not steaF' No matter bout dem laws what de white 
man hab made, dis am de law ob Gawd. An when 
Moses nounced it ter de Chillun ob Egypt, he pinted 
ter de niggers wid his lef han an ter a rooster wid his 
right, an in dese words did he den thusly prophesy: 
'In fourteen-hundred-an frez-ler-death de tribe ob 
Columbus shall Ian on a undiscovered country an hab 
niggers ter do de wuk. Now by an by de niggers will 
want pay fer all dese services what dey mus surrend- 



er, an den look out fer de henhouse. Now Hsten ter 
niy words ob wisdom. Behold, I say, leave dat bird 
alone: Eben as de sarpent war de downfall ob Eve,, 
so will de rooster be de downfall ob Ham/' 

Everybody knows dat de nigger am descended 
from Ham. Yit de no count niggers ob dis day an 
time dey dont care nothing tall bout Ham. Dat are 
why dey are ter be punished. Leave dat fowl alone I 
say an turn yer thoughts ter ham. Dat are de only 
way dat de culled folks can turn aside de awful pun- 
ishment dat am waitin fer dere race, eben as de angel 
ob de Lawd waited fer Balaam in de straight an nar- 
row way. Look out niggers dit sword am boun ter 
fall, an mark my words twill mow you down lak corn 
befo de knife. Dat are de day when de earth shall 
ring wid wailin an de nashing ob dentristry an all de 
niggers will be moanin fer demselves. An above de 
noise ob weepin an respair will be heered de rooster's 
voice a crowin in de mawning. He say, '*Break dat 
nigger's neck.'' I tell you now my frens, yer mus 
leave dat fowl alone or he gwine ter hab his veange- 
ance on yer shows yor bawn. 

Stealin chickens are a crime Mr. President. Dose 
chickens dont long ter no niggers, an anybody what 
takes whoever dont long ter dem steals. De fifteenth 
Proverb it say as how 'Temus not steal" an dat 
means de black man. Now whoever break one ob 
dese Proverb have showly committed a criminal act, 
an Mr. Graystone he say dat all criminal acts is 
crimes, an therefore thus all dem niggers what steals 
chickens suttinly does commit crime. Dishonorable 
Jedges, I beseeches you on my bended marrowbones 
not ter pass lightly cross dis hyar Rrgument De 
whole future verdiction ob de culled race are respond- 
ed in de atmosphere waitin fur yer verdiction. Nig- 
gers what dont steal chickens now will be excouraged 
ter begin, an dem what does will be excouraged ter 
keep on. On yer solemn desideration an wise inclu- 
sions respends de new exterpation of crime, an on dis 
respends de nightly safety and de eternal an ever- 
lastin wellfare ob millions an millions ob chickens yit 
unhatched. Ponderate on dese infatuations an yer 
mus showly aggravate dat stealin chickens are a un- 
tarnished crime. 



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